when you’re talking australian it’s egg on a pizza, beetroot on a burger
I don’t even know what to caption this.
Sydney University is investigating the emails, published online, which include derogatory references to Indigenous Australians
The poetry professor Barry Spurr described Tony Abbott as an “Abo lover”, according to a report by the New Matilda website, and in another email wrote: “One day the western world will wake up, when the Mussies and the chinky-poos have taken over.”
Oh my god I want to cry.
when you’re talking australian it’s egg on a pizza, beetroot on a burger
This comic was a frikking epic to put together. Like my FB page for more! And share it to your FB buddies!
I accidentally tagged this joke hockey and I think that based on the budget this is actually a name I’m more comfortable using for him from now on
Alright. In the midst of a huge upsurge of violent attacks on Muslims all across Australia - on streets, in cars, on trains, at schools - our Prime Minister states that he finds the burqa ‘confronting’ and just now his buddy, Speaker Bronwyn Bishop, rules that burqa-clad Aussies visiting their Parliament House must sit in a separate area behind glass.
I just want to make clear that a good Prime Minister would do the exact opposite. Here’s a weird comparison: in the 80s when homophobia went nuts because of the AIDS epidemic, good leaders made an effort to directly *challenge* homophobia, and be photographed *hugging* AIDS patients. And by good leaders I mean Princess Di and Captain Planet (the patient was voiced by Neil Patrick Harris!). A good Prime Minister right now would be challenging Islamophobia and using his power to unite people.
Frick. A Muslim woman in Melbourne on a train was racially abused, had her head slammed into the door repeatedly and then was pushed off onto the platform. Attacks on Muslims have gone up 3 million percent since Abbott starting his ‘Team Australia’ campaign rhetoric, raids and all.
jesus. jesus fucking christ.
This week in Australia!
- Abbott defunds 180 Aboriginal communities.
- Morrison proposes harsh new refugee laws (temporary visas back. Asylum seeker babies born here can be sent overseas.).
- Morrison strikes deal to send asylum seekers to uber-poor Cambodia.
- Gillard’s autobiography came out and Rudd had no comment on ‘Ms Gillard’s latest contribution to Australian fiction.’
- Spy laws pass the Senate. ASIO to monitor our internet more easily. Journos face ten years gaol if they reveal secret info of Govt wrongdoing (ie. do their job). Whistleblowers too.
- Abbott skips NY climate summit. Obama and Leo DiCaprio were there.
- Biggest climate marches ever happened around the world.
- A million anti-Muslim incidents occurred across Australia.
- Kylie had her opening concert and did an INXS cover wearing a great coat.
Big, big week.
"oh yeah you guys use celcius"
i live in america and i hate it cause i’m too fucking smart for this shit
What are a few things you wish non-Australian people knew about Australia?
I’ve been thinking about this ask for a while and here’s what I’ve come up with;
Australia is pronounced “uh-STRAY-lee-ah” rather than “AWW-stray-lee-ah”
Melbourne is pronounced “MEL-bin”, not “mel-BORN”
Brisbane is “BRIS-bin”, not “BRIS-bay-n”
Canberra is “CAN-brah”, not “can-BER-rah”
"Yeah nah" means no
"Nah yeah" means yes
"Fanny" means vagina, not butt
No-one under the age of 60 actually says “G’day mate”
Pies are full of meat
This is fairy bread and everyone should experience it’s magic at children’s birthday parties
These are thongs
These are biscuits
Male kangaroos obviously don’t have pouches because males DON’T HAVE BABIES
Kangaroos don’t just hang around people’s houses they’re wild anim- Oh wait this is my driveway;
This is my response (originally published in Crikey) to Mark Sawyer’s article ‘How Racist Are You’ published in The Age and Sydney Morning Herald last week (http://www.smh.com.au/comment/how-racist-are-you-20140611-zs43h.html)
Dear Mark,As a comedian I very much appreciated your satirical piece ‘How Racist Are You?’ published in The Age last week. I think you captured the attitude and tone of Overly Defensive And Clueless White Man perfectly. It’s actually inspired me to write my own piece called “Hey Ladies, Pipe Down About Sexism.”Of course, I’m being silly. You didn’t write it as a parody piece. The truth is much more embarrassing. This is what you, and plenty of others, actually think: apparently racism is totes not a thing any more.Being told by white people that racism is a figment of our imagination is nothing new. I know well enough that when looking for some quality racism, the best place to start is with the guy screaming “I’m not racist!” You did not disappoint.Thank you for the awkward list of times you didn’t challenge people’s casual racist comments. As the kids say nowadays, cool story bro. And maybe you’re right - there is nothing that justifies calling Australia uniquely racist. Not the specific genocide of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, cultures and languages, an unparalleled migration history that banned non-white immigration here until the early 70s, or our one-of-a-kind anti-asylum regime. These are things that happened pretty much everywhere, right? But seriously, why let history and facts get in the way of a white guy’s Feelings About Stuff.You’re correct, far right parties like One Nation are a thing of the past. But only because their rampant xenophobia was quickly co-opted, re-branded and shared between Labor and Liberal, making Hanson totally redundant. In an era where our Attorney General openly defends the art of bigotry, Pauline’s services are no longer required.You ask how many people alive are truly racist. I don’t know the exact figures, Mark. But ask yourself if the life expectancy statistics that apply to Aboriginal people - well below the national average - would be tolerated if they applied to any other group in this country . Ask yourself if our system of militarised border protection and detention - recognised as exceptional the world over - would be acceptable to the Australian public if it was designed to intercept, round up and indefinitely incarcerate white people.These things cannot exist without a sizeable population of what you refer to as ‘true racists.’ The fact that, as a nation, we accept and allow such things to happen is not an accident or the result of simple misunderstandings. They are the calculated outcomes of generations of programming. Maybe racism is less about white people making unfortunate comments and more about systemic inequalities that have become the permanent and invisible background noise of Australian culture. To quote you, it may pay to look at the bigger picture.It’s 2014, champ. Racism isn’t about segregated lunch counters and people refusing to shake hands any more. Racism is about this country’s obsession with defining boundaries of inclusion and exclusion, and the pervasive and violent ways in which those boundaries are maintained. Racism is about two major parties collaborating for years to convince a white majority, through various codes, that they are perpetually at risk of losing out to lazy Aborigines, ghettoised migrants, dishonest asylum seekers and suspicious Muslims. Racism is a government using free speech rhetoric to facilitate racial vilification. Racism is, in a climate of perpetual fear and hostility, The Age choosing to publish some childish nonsense about how there’s no such thing as racism.You’re convinced things have changed. I’m pretty confident they haven’t.Aamer Rahman is a standup comic and writer in Melbourne. He is currently touring his solo show The Truth Hurts in the UK and does not miss Australia.